The Target
A Scottish Preservation Society. One far away, hopefully liberally minded.
Look, I'm Scottish too. An active member of Clan... maybe I shouldn't reveal that. I'm an active member of atleast one clan though. I still have loyalties to Charlie, even if you don't, and I get misty thinking of the English Occupation. I get fiery about independence and scream during "Scots Wa Hae." But I still feel that we need to laugh at ourselves. If we cannae do't, someone else will.
Response
No reply yet.
Dear Scottish Society of _______ __________
I have good news! I just found out I'm Scottish. This comes, I'm sure with great new responsibilities. I'm writing firstly to ask how to be more Scots-Irish. What do we drink, what do we eat? What are our holidays and why do we talk so funny (how do I talk like that ?!) When did we get our independence from Ireland?
I've been doing some research of my own on the subject, in fact, and found more. According to England.com, my life-long obsession with farm animals is due to my ancestry! I was shocked to find that you people have been keeping Scotland's creation myth (the one about Adam and Ewe, not the one with mermaids and seals) a secret from the public.
Man-animal love is nothing to be ashamed of and I take every opportunity to express my affection for my neighbour's sheep. I expect my countrymen to be no less brazen. What is this, Scotland the Fearful of Persecution? Not in my Britain.
Look, just come clean to the papers. I'm doing it anyway, I'm giving you an opportunity to get on the positive media bandwagon. We're talking about book deals, press tours, notoriety. More importantly, we can all get off that list of sexual predators if we march on Washington together.
All I want is to go back to the petting zoo. You can't put holds on our love. Hypocrites.
Jack M.
